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Hawk and Dove Part One: The Tale of Maggie Cho
I have long been a huge, screaming mad fan of comedienne Margaret Cho. Whether you agree with her or not and I often do, you’ve got to give her an A plus for having the moxie not to pander to the middle and for telling the twisted story of womanhood just as it is: cellulite,…
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Working on the Cheney Gang
I feel a real kinship to Dick Cheney; after all we both have cardiologists on speed-dial and he lives just three blocks away from my mold-infested subterranean dungeon of an unbelievably expensive mini-manse. While I can’t confess to seeing him at Max’s Glover Park Creamery, licking a mint chip cone with jimmies as Al Gore…
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Crossing the Rubicon
One of my favorite columns is Oprah Winfrey’s monthly musings aptly called “What I Know For Sure.” She’s always got a kernellete or two of wisdom to impart to the attentive masses. I find it fasciating that as people advance in years, they seemingly are sure of more because I, for one, am resolute about…
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Pre and Post: Run Along Little Girl
People are obsessed about all matters of sports in my Ohio hometown. For God’s sakes, we are the site of the Pro-Football Hall of Fame and possess the biggest astroturf-laden high school outdoor arena in all the world. Tennis, basketball, football, golf…someone was always rabidly cheering for a gifted athlete in my youth. Me, I…
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Postcards from a Hot and Sandy Place : And it drags on and on and on. Or does it?
Well, the facades of certain stern, hard core, nail spitting, take no prisoners infantry officers are starting to slip, showing (gasp!) senses of humor as our tour of sandy parts plows on like a dull wooden plow attached to a 100 year old ox furrowing through the rocky hills of 18th century Ireland. Gems of…
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It’s a Wonder: The Search for A New Superheroine
What girl of a certain age (those who remember torn leggings and the Cure the first time ’round), hasn’t wanted to suit up in her Wonder Woman costume and lasso that louse who’s destroying civilization? Come on, just admit it, you’ve got a pic of yourself age 8 in a WW Halloween mask, don’t ya?.…
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Postcards from a Hot and Sandy Place: Emily Post Stands to Post in the Desert
Can you have a politically correct war? Or is such a phrase as oxymoronic as military intelligence? As my stay here in the sandy place progresses, as I flex my muscle that allows me to function in 120 plus degree heat, as America tries its best to implement democracy in this country of hot Arab…
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You Take The Cake
34 of anything is alot, especially when they are gleaming candles on your buttercream frosted birthday cake. Yes, dear readers this LRG turns three decades plus four today but despite the crow’s feet headed to Grand Canyon fissure-land, I have little cause for alarm. My spirit (as well as my teley viewing habits) are still…
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Postcards from a new sandy place: Top 10 Asinine Rules of Camp Tuitty Fruity
Readers, I sincerely apologize for the lapse. As we hit the longest stretch of this vacation we call deployment my sense of humor appears somewhat diminished. I have changed jobs and with that, moved to another larger sandy camp which from all accounts has the potential for more stupidity and utter mediocrity than one can…
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Death Becomes Her
Scratch, scratch. I feel her hand soothingly on my back, in every corner of my life. Don your hat, wear your mittens, accept Jesus, treasure love, learn to iron, save room for desert, suck it up and move on my dear! Don’t be a slave, Lincoln freed them long ago! I hear her always. Grandma…